stuck

by lani

i am sitting in the sky bridge of lloyd tower, where joel’s office is, waiting for him to be done with a strategic planning meeting so we can go home. it is loud. and cold. and the chairs are uncomfortable. and it is valentine’s day, or as i prefer to think of it, the second mensiversary (i.e. 2 months) of sky’s birth.

this is a busy skybridge, connecting the gleaming offices of lloyd tower to the even gleamier interior of nordstrom. posh.

i gaze at the business people striding past. their faces are set, unsmiling, vacant. their eyes unseeing as they walk this bridge they have walked many times. this is a transitional place – the space between their office and the starbucks or parking lot. they’re only passing through. me, i’m stuck here for a few hours.

high heels click. raincoats rustle. keys jangle. nylons make that funky zippery sound they make when you walk. snatches of cell phone conversation … “the flowers were so beautiful” … “he goes, ‘are you kidding me? you can’t” … “and i learned that we are an address based application instead of a” … something in chinese …

and i watch them. i watch these hundreds of people pass by.

every one of them was a baby who lived. the poor feet wedged into 5 inch heels were once pink and pudgy, the bearded faces were soft and kissable, the professional voices a newborn’s wail.

i have a sudden desire to stand up and scream at them. “you lived! do you even realize that? do you realize how lucky your mamas are? do you realize how lucky you are to be on this bridge, in this transitional space, striding between your paycheck and your latte and your prius?! you might have died. your fragile lifeline might have strangled you and you would not be here, you people of the paychecks and lattes and priuses!

but i don’t, because i’m not that crazy. (at least not today.) and because there’s no moral to my sermon. no “go thou and live better.” i don’t care if these people appreciate this skybridge more.

i’m just a slightly crazy mama who ought to be nursing her 2 month old, not pecking away at a computer on the skybridge of lloyd tower.

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