by lani

i’ve been looking for a blog home for a long time now. i tried a bunch (and i mean a bunch) but they never fit. too frivolous, too cynical … or just lacking in significance. but i’ve found it here. i’m not sure how i know, but this is it. i’ll be here for a while.

maybe it’s the timing. i’m less than 2 months away from this event which has stripped every superficial meaning from my life, consecrating, burning, crushing everything but the essentials and most of those too. an event … it seems so frivolous to call the death and birth of my son an event. it did happen at a definite point in the past, and now it is over. but he is not over. his influence is not over. his personality is not over. and i cling to that hope harder than i’ve ever clung to anything in my life, and clinging to that hope forces me to hold other hopes – hope for heaven, for family, for life to be meaningful again.

and so i’m here to document my tenuous journey to meaning.

maybe i don’t have any new insight to add to the collective journey to meaning, undertaken by all of humanity since the beginning of time, but i must share. i am compelled to share because even if i have nothing to offer, sky does. his life was beautiful, and so i will write this journey, compelled by a mother’s longing, a little boy’s significance, and a God of hope.