motivation

this was a journal entry i wrote one week after sky died.

sky’s death was no less unjust than that of babies dying of malnutrition in 3rd world countries. his death was wrong. his death was senseless. it was unnecessary. it shouldn’t have happened. there’s no ranking in injustice. either the scale is evenly balanced, or it is tipped to one side. just as pain cannot be ranked and compared, injustice cannot be ranked and compared. we and he are victims of the same injustice that has caused every human rights violation, natural disaster, and betrayal in history.

his life released so much passion, energy, and drive in my heart. not his death, his life. now that i cannot pour it into him, it threatens to go toward fighting the feelings and the reality of his death. instead, i must consciously direct it to fighting the injustice that took my son. God did not take him, injustice took him. God keeps him safe, loves him, and will make this right in the end. God has already beaten death and injustice and continues to work through people to fight it in the world. when we fight injustice we’re really fighting death, which is perhaps when we’re being the most christlike.

i needed this reminder today. this is keeping me going. this is why i’m sitting in my art history class (and illicitly blogging), learning about 9th century Qur’an calligraphy after crying most of the night. this defines my life and will continue to define my journey.
… how exactly a mediocre art history class is going to achieve that end, i don’t know. but i don’t need to know that right now.

one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

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3 thoughts on “motivation”

  1. It is so hard to imagine how God can work all things together for our good, but that is his promise and he is faithful even if we can’t fathom how. I am so amazed and blessed to hear how you are maintaining your faith in God and in God’s justice. He knows what we each can handle. I know that if I were facing your incredible loss that I would be so bitter and I would rage against God. I am so glad you are directing your righteous anger toward the actual cause.

  2. I’m not really sure how to say what I want to say, but I will give it a shot. Even though we’re housemates, I had no idea how much you were still struggling, and you have every right to be! This saddens me for a couple of reasons. I could have be a better housemate by just continuing to be mindful of the circumstances. I truly feel an apology is needed, even if you don’t accept it. I thought the story of sky and the ensuing blog posts helped put things in perspective for me. As odd as it sounds, they were inspirational to me. They tell me how precious life is and how thankful i should be. Your incredible faith and strength give me motivation for the things I consider to be tough. Sky is touching many lives through you and so is the posting of Sky’s story.

    With love

    1. oh ryan … hugs. many, many hugs. i’m glad you found this writing place, and glad we got to talk about it too. (more hugs. but only to be given after you conquer the pink-eye.)

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