remembering

by lani

this post will be disjointed. the voice that usually does the writing is silent right now, and in its place is one that is considerably dis-squirrel!-tracted. first, however, if you happen to be pregnant while reading this, get up from the computer, grab your phone, and go take a pregnancy picture right now. no, really. i’ll wait.

i have very few pictures from my pregnancy with sky. no cute maternity session photos, no “here we are at fill-in-the-blank resort and we’re pregnant” photos, and not nearly enough cell-phone-bathroom-mirror photos. and yes, i’m a photographer for a living. how does this happen?

well …
lots of clients
+ nausea
+ “i am not spending that much for cute maternity clothes”
+ nausea
+ an epic battle between a cranky pregnant lady and her new camera that refuses to act like her old camera
+ did i mention nausea?
= me, now, desperately searching for photographic evidence that my baby lived and we were a family.

fortunately, i found some. my sister-in-law and business partner documented sky’s growth in a series of photos from our sessions and weddings last year, and i think i like them even better than formal portraits. our time with sky was spent doing things, being active, enjoying his kicky little presence while living together with him, and i love how these pictures stir those memories.

i’m pulling these out and sharing them right now because this is where i am … seeking to remember, to enjoy his life, and to engage with my 2 month old in every way possible. sometimes the remembering is hard and painful, and sometimes it’s sweet and beautiful. 9 months with our little boy wasn’t nearly long enough, but it’s still a long time to spend living in tandem with another heartbeat … long enough to make some beautiful memories.

and so, pictures.

getting a bit paunchy in june at 13ish weeks, right after the catastrophe of “never-chop-your-hair-off-during-the-first-trimester-just-trust-me-on-this-one.”

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this was a downtown engagement shoot in july at 16 weeks. i had already started to feel him move, but wasn’t sure it was him until much later. we went everywhere for this session: st. john’s park and bridge, waterfront park, hot lips pizza, backspace cafe … no pics of my tummy, but it was definitely one of the last times i squeezed my poor baby into skinny jeans.

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finally showing at 23ish weeks, shooting a wedding at blackbird farms in 95 degree heat. my beautiful pregnancy cankles blossomed out of my toms for the very first time that day … it was a special moment.

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30 weeks, shooting our last wedding of the season on a cold, rainy october morning at the abernathy center. the faces people made when i climbed up that stepladder were priceless.

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31ish weeks, engagement shoot at mcmenamins edgefield.

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i love this picture of the three of us (+ clients) demonstrating a pose. so unflattering – all bulgy and frizzy, but so candid. sometimes the process of creating art isn’t flattering, and sometimes the process of creating life isn’t either.

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finally, the last shoot of the season at 34ish weeks. we hung out at a farm, shooting tall grass and cats and bugs and each other (and a high school senior). that cute pic of joel on the right? he’s just making people smile and laugh, as usual, camera or no camera.

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our family …

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