… year since we learned that sky gabriel had died.

at 9:30pm i texted my midwife; i hadn’t felt any movement all day. she told us to meet her at the birth center. we were shaking and cold and nervous, but didn’t really believe that anything could be wrong. that’s the sort of thing that happens to other people. 1 in 100 other people’s babies die, but that number was too small to hold my family.

the shock and sadness on my midwife’s face. she knew. and so did i. but we refused to believe it until the obstetrician at emanuel hospital said, “i’m sorry; your baby has died,” just before midnight on december 13, 2011.


2 thoughts on “one”

  1. how could you believe? how could something so incomprehensible be real? there is no category for our mind to put this in. it defies all understanding.
    i’m so very sorry this day holds such indescribable pain. and the days ahead are no better. you are always on my heart, but yesterday, today, and tomorrow my heart buckles under the load. i love you and pray grace to survive and carry on as you remember.

  2. Dearest Lani,
    Your pain is indescribable. Your loss irreplaceable. Know that I pray for you and Joel, that somehow out of this horrible plan, God’s redeeming love will continue to seep into your soul and comfort what seems impossible. I love you!

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